Detaching emotionally from a relationship which is abusive can be a very difficult task. There are still many people who love their emotionally detached spouses therefore; the sense of developing indifference even when your spouse is becoming a continuous source of pain seems adversative.
However, emotionally detaching from your abusive spouse is important for your happiness, sanity as well as good health. The rule is also equally applicable upon those people who are either separated or divorced from their spouse, but still requires maintaining a certain level of contact because they are either having shared kids or are working together.
If any relationship becomes toxic or you consider it as a failure than it is no shame to exit from it. Distancing from a relationship that cannot be controlled or changed can be a sound decision. However, if it’s a case of a marriage situation and you are really in love with your spouse and are willing to spend your entire life with him/her, or it’s a case of family situation that you cannot just walk away then applying detachment for a healthy relationship is vital.
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When your spouse turns into an abusive character and their way of treating you becomes unbearable, then self-destruction and exploitation are the two guarantees if such a relationship. To survive in such a relationship it is very important that you develop emotional detachment or feel indifferent. Prior to detaching, the following aspects should be accepted.
- Love cannot conquer all. There are probable chances that the relationship is not based on love but, it is a twisted or distorted version of the same.
- You will be giving your spouse the powers which can hurt you.
- You should find yourself responsible for the emotional disturbance, failures or shortcomings of your emotionally detached spouse.
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The question is now how can any person carry a good relationship with his/her spouse and not even care about their behaviors? There are experts who believe that both caring as well as loving someone can be done simultaneously, however, many of them believe that showing no care is also a good way to show your love towards a person. By showing that you do not care, you are actually attempting to not to change your spouse. You are accepting him/her as the way they are without wanting to bring in any changes. The result of this will be that you will lead a peaceful life and a worthy relationship. Applying emotional detachment within a healthy relationship requires you to do the following:
- If it is your spouse or any other relationship from which you want to get emotionally detached, it is important that you should feel some type of sadness, anger or anxiety about that person.
- Identify those areas which can make this person feel happy or through which he/she is able to relieve from stress.
- Show that you care a great deal for that person no matter whatever other people thinks about it.
- Divert your focus from changing the other person. Rather craft those moments in which you can create some happy moments for yourself.
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Focus on Yourself – Not Your Ex-Partner. It’s not selfish to focus on yourself especially this period, as a matter of fact it’s imperative. Think of something you can do for yourself, set goals, meet new people. volunteer at your local charity. Learn to love, care and respect yourself. Remember, people will hold you to the standard you hold yourself. so this period of detachment, focus on yourself.
The Pain Will Go Away: One of the reason most people find it difficult to let go, especially in an abusive relationship is fear of being alone and the pain that comes with it. They fail to admit or recognize the pain they are already passing through staying in this abusive relationship. The pain of letting of someone you care about and want is usually deep, thinking about those happy moment and things shared together can make it more complicated.. but trust me, you can and will get over it with time. Letting go of someone you love can not be done once, you need time to heal, you need to to re-build and you need time to be happy again. So give it time and know the pain will soon go away.
Give Yourself Some Space. Leaving someone you love will always leave you with pain that requires time to heal, it’s just natural. One good thing you can do during this period is to take a step back. Instead of rolling over your ex, find your true self. Discover your true identity Who are you aside this relationship? What do you want for yourself, now and in the future. What are your goals and aspiration. Find out what you stand for. Give yourself and him room to ask important question, to find out if it was a mistake you broke up or if it’s the best thing.
While Emotional Detachment may not be something you really want, most times it’s best for your own peace of mind. If you want to learn more about emotional detachment and how you can apply it for a healthy life and a better relationship, then read Emotional Detachment For a Better Life